i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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