Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
