A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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