You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
