Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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