I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
