I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
