she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
