I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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