I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
