The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
