I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are we still banned from the library?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
