The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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