What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
