i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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