I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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