but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
