The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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