She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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