very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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