I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
