i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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