i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
