she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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