I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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