The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
