I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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