I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your penis caused this!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
