she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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