just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
