dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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