I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
