oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
