Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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