My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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