she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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