yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
