I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
