we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
