Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
