I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
