Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
