I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
