Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was born a porn star she said
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
