Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
