I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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