I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
