I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
