well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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