My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
