i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is wine microwaveable?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have fence marks all over my body
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
