Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
vagina is talking i cant
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
