What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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