True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
