i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
