if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
