First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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