I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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