im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
