maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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