So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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