six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
