i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
