I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
