It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
