explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
