oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
birth control should be required to get into college
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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