if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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