and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize