Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
