this boner is exhausting
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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