You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just puked most of my soul out..
do nipples grow back?
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