is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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