ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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