i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
