Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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