if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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