Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
